what do i do with myself, truly.
true genuine self doing this only obviously. getting there comes before everything.
the recursive action of looking for others as guidance for worth, approval, energy, direction, is always a removal of centered existence
in this moment i am scared of letting go still, in whatever way, even though i have so much and am living in it’s beauty unencumbered by derealization in so many aspects and ways.
there is so much hurry.
i still feel constantly driven by the fear of loosing what i have. like i am doing things wrong or not being dilligent, focused, too distracted, and judging and feeling myself to be a very unfun thing.
forgetting and remembering constantly through forgiveness. connected to the full strand of feeling inside of trust and love protection in all processes. forgiveness. it is ok to allow for both disinterest and open vulnerability.
doing something with my energy always feels good when expression is allowed naturally.